It Takes Two To Tango

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ABHA IYENGAR

Relationships need to be nurtured for sustenance and commitment. Care is required to maintain any relationship once the initial exhilaration is over. More than anything else, a deep commitment is required to make the relationship not only work, but also last — to become profound and more meaningful over time. And, this requires time and attention to be paid to your partner and the relationship.

BEING TOGETHER

Two people get into a relationship, because there is a common need to be together, to understand each other, and to love each other. Time spent with each other, therefore, has immense value in any relationship.

You may desire your partner’s company, but find that work and family commitments prevent you from fulfilling this desire. It becomes imperative to mark out a certain time during the day you will spend in each other’s company. It has to be marked out as special time.

With both the partners in a relationship working full-time nowadays, and with the pressures of maintaining a home and family, this becomes difficult, because your energies are at a low at the end of the day. It may help to spend time in the morning at breakfast, chatting with each other, and not feeling rushed to leave for work, or attend to household chores. If this seems impossible, an evening walk together may be feasible. This will give you the time to connect with each other and discuss issues of common interest.

GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE

Though it is essential to be committed to each other and spend time with each other, it is equally important that you give your partner space. This means that you have to accept that s/he needs her own friends and family; and, their own interests and work to sustain their individuality, just like you need yours.

It is wrong to breathe down each other’s necks, or expect your partner to be at your side all the time, whenever you want them to be there. S/he has work commitments just like you have yours. This requires you to empathise with your partner’s needs and develop an understanding of their need for development and evolution as well.

Couples that are ‘too’ involved with each other’s lives find the relationship to get stifling eventually, and one of them generally opts out. If this does not happen, then one partner ‘develops’ at the cost of the other, with the latter suffering and withdrawing. Any kind of imbalance will trigger rifts, misunderstanding, arguments and fights. To derive balance and love in the relationship, it is important to give each other space — this means respecting each other’s individuality.

We, human beings, survive on relationships that hold meaning for us, and this is why we have a social network of family and friends. Of these relationships, the most important is that which exists between two partners who love and cherish each other.

This love requires commitment, understanding, and trust for it to deepen and expand — over a long, happy period of time.

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